New beginings...

I am not excited about the next venture in my life. I am moving AGAIN. This time back to a place that is MUCH smaller then the one we are currently in. It worries me how I am going to make it all fit and come together. I am not sure that I can this time. I remind myself that things are just things, and all things must come and go for a reason unbeknown st to us. We are an ebb and flow of choices, and decisions.

Currently hate coming home to a house that seeps to the core of my soul with negative tides wafting from the neighbor across the street. The dirty looks, the foul expressions, the deep foreboding weight of the air that lingers whenever one or the other of us is in the front yard at the same times. I need to breathe. And in order to do so I choose to move. A move backwards, not forwards. I have made some side steps before on the journey, but rarely do I ever need to go backwards. This time I have too. No storage, no abundant garages, no cupboards... bare basics of life. A quaint place, more suitable to our condition... but more cramped for sure. The rooms shrank in size, and the backyard grew. No plants, no shade trees, no flowers. A blank canvas waiting for money to investment in colorful paint.

I am too old for this, and too over weight. What once was exciting, and reinvention of the wheel is just plainly a chore. One that is littered with back issues, tension and drama. I do not wish to go much further with the issues at hand for it will get me into trouble. Relocating myself and the kids use to be easy... when did it all become so hard? Hard to navigate, and figure out. I should be an old pro by now. I have done more then my fair share of moves on my own... this will be no different.

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It has begun. We are in, and for the most part the boxes have been unpacked, and the pictures are hung on the walls. There is still much that is missing in the enigma that I call a garage, but that should all be settled in due time. The place is beginning to feel like home. Slowly, the boys are settling in. The distance between everyone's living quarters is much closer thus the volume in the home is higher then we are use too. It takes a bit more understanding... and everyone seems to be doing their part to make it all work. It is a home. I have begun planting some flowers to make it more homey if only to myself.

I love having my own bathroom, and the backyard, while barren is vast and welcoming. It longs for a child's play set, a patio set, and a Bar B Q. I long for a garden and more potted plants. It will happen.

Right now I have other matters that demand my attention... 3 little mouths to feed, and a trip with my beloved to the other side of the country. Time will settle all things. Until then we learn to love the home, the location, our new neighbors... and most importantly each other.

A new home, a new beginning.