I have not blogged in a while due to some heart breaking developments that I will not go into here.  It is enough to say that life is a constant flux of change.  It is the journey that forges us into the people we are meant to be.  Choices are made by each and everyone of us along the path.  Countless lives we touch and love and learn to let go of.  The relationships in our lives are for reasons, seasons, and some special few for lifetimes.  I cherish the ones I have today for I know not if they will be there tomorrow.  The best of friends, the love of my family, the loving supportive relationship I am currently in.  All can be gone tomorrow. 

This is self evident once again in my life.  Having to let go and distance myself for the greater benefit of the friend.  There is no less love there for them.  All things have a place and a time.  Ours is just over.  While this revelation saddens me greatly, I am thankfully reflective of all of the wonderful times and precious memories I have been gifted by them.  The pieces of the friendship that I will forever hold close to my heart with no regrets.  

I am but one person making the best decisions that I can make for myself with the information that I have set before me at each and every moment of my life.  These are my choices, these are my decisions, and this is my path.  I hold my head up and face the wind and take one step at a time.

Baccus Ranch...

Wow, you talk about a big boys playground! There was so much to see, do, and explore. We easily could have been there for weeks on end and never gotten bored. Most of which I saw had to be explained to me in great detail, but that is what made it so much fun. A little boy's workshop mecca. So much to play with, everything could be created into something. The creature and creations only limited by your own imagination.

The boys got a kick out of this guy. A blinged out super robot that could help you with your homework, your housework, your workshop, and your home security system all while looking pretty darn sharp! The boys had so many stories about the wonderful uses for this guy that you half started to believe them yourself. It was amazing to me how the spark of one man's imagination was transformed into such a wonderful peice of artwork which then ignigted a whole forest fire of imagination within the minds of two young children. The delight they got in his decorations and his chains... making him more then just metal... making him real in their little minds. How wonderful it was for me to play watchful protective mother from a safe distance.

How Fun it was for all of us to enjoy being able to snoop around and find such wonderful treasures something suited for each of us. Colton found this spikey ball of death. For a 15 year old boy nothing could be more dangerous and fun to weild then a dangerous metal ball most would think twice before picking up let alone walk with. His imagination sparked with thoughts of fights and wars of long ago. Warriors in metal suits defending fortresses in beautiful foriegn countries. How he did laugh at me as I asked him to pose with the sculpture. I love his laugh.

The dragon of Carl's passionate artwork so beautifully portrayed in metal sculpured form. From the scales on his back to the mystic orb held tight within his jaws, it is a marvel of design and ordinary made extrodinary. A collection of talented relicks of the Baccus family that seem to explain the talents of the now grown men. How blessed they were to grow up in such a free expressionistic home that encouraged and nurtured their talents. The passions of the parents, gifted to the sons. What an amazingly talented, tight knit, loving, family.

Beyond the artwork was the toys. Dustin playing on a 35 thousand dollar tractor dreaming big dreams of working with great equiptment and playing. He does live in the right spot for that. With the Rio Tinto Mine not far from here... he just may someday make this dream a reality. Time will tell. How consentrated he was on making this big contraption work. How one can look into the future and see this image as the before shot and a grown man on the same machine years later as the after shot. He was loving it. My marvelous machine enamoured baby... does not matter what it is or what it does, he LOVES machines. Roaring engines, forceful power, magnificent metal.... splendor danced in his heart as he sat there.

Even George got on board, he got to bend and shape some peices of metal. He had learned what levers to push in what succession and his imagination was already lit with furry as to what it could become or how it should look. He loved it, and was overjoiedwith the news that he could take his peice of metal home with him. He was focused and happy. Glad to have made something, anything with his hands that he could show off and be proud of. It was wonderful to share in his exciment. I think he shocked himself, and then he had to orient all those around who would listen to what he had just learned. A born teacher.

I marveled at the gate, unique and splendid in all its wonderous glory. The scrolled artwork at the top, the sturdy secure wagon wheels as the secure base. The beautiful melody that graced any movement from the gate from the five fancy bells...one of which was silent and did not work because the knocker had fallen loose. It seemed so symbolic to me. Symbolic of a wonderful family which honor their mother and place her on high above all else (the beautiful scolled design), the Father providing the strength and security of the family (the reinforced bars on the bottom holding everything together), the two boys represented by success and movement (the two wagon wheels) The four functioning bells one for each fully functioning family member... all beautiful alone, but harmonious and delightful together. Even the electronic call box at the gate symbolic of the two boys in I.T., communications, and computers. The gate simplistic and yet sturdy beautiful and strong. The artwork and design reminissent of just how truly talented the family that presides beyond these walls really are. To most this place would not seem like much. To me it seemed rich with memories and love and laughter. The Baccus family home. Within these walls grew much more then rose bushes and trees long gone... within these walls grew an amazingly rich family.

It is evident to me as I sat on the front portch watching my boys with Carl and his Father play on the tractor just how rich and abundant this soil really still is. Dirt is dirt, and land is land, but family ties are the most proseperous crop this land has ever populated. I love showing my sons what this looks like... family roots. The Baccus Ranch deeply grounded in history, in acceptance, in free expression, and encouraged imagination. All I can say is... it was fun being able to share in the experience.

Thank you Carl, Jim, and Alice for letting us in. : ) <3>

Birch Aquarium - San Diego, CA

Oh my gosh we had the best, on a whim, destination stop in San Diego when we decided as a family to go to an aquarium for the day. The day started out with a wonderful breakfast, at Mimi's Cafe, full of scrumptious hot chocolate, cold juice, sweet pancakes, rich quiche, warm omelets, fresh pumpkin muffins and much, much, more. It was Colton's idea..."Hey, why don't we go to an aquarium?" Great idea! We took out the trusty navigation guru, Garmin, loaned to us by a dear friend. We affectionately refer to the navigational tool as Jill. We punched in aquarium and low and behold, Jill found us one, less then 8 miles down the road. PERFECT! We set out on a fun filled adventure to Birch Aquarium.

There were these amazing live coral reefs set down so the kids could reach in and touch living sea anemones, hermit crabs, and star fish. My desert dune boys were not sure what to make of weird water creatures, and would not put their hands anywhere near them. Carl showed them they were safe and not going to harm them, but no way were they going to be coaxed into the off chance he might be wrong. Watching them learn and interact with Carl was fun for me from the other side of the camera. He is a natural teacher, and they are sponges when around him. Maybe it is his calm, quiet demeanor... maybe it is his vast amounts of knowledge... maybe it is his willingness to slow down and genuinely listen to them... what ever it is, it was nice to stand back and observe silently from the other side of a camera's lense.

The vast array of coral and brilliantly colored fish was so amazing. It seemed so peacefully tranquil to me, and yet to Dustin the negative ions seemed to wash over him with each new tank only amping up his level of exuberance and delight. A wound battery, ever ready, and delighted to skip ahead to announce the up coming attraction. Hyper and happy, he stayed within sight of us, but rarely within arms reach. His own sheer enchantment drawing us deeper and deeper into each of the tunnels.

The day itself was perfect. The weather was cool and crisp, with a gentle breeze to keep it nice. But it was not too cold, not cool enough even for light jackets. It was perfectly beautiful and serene. The waves crashing gently on the beach below was truly picturesque. Spending time with my children and with Carl was nothing short of glorious. The air show was nice, but it was the kind of excitement and happiness that drains you... This trip to Birch Aquarium was the slower pace of life kind of trip. The kind that was more fulfilling. A recharging of the batteries of life, slower, calming, peaceful. I love to see the boys learn... hands on is so much better then any in class study time. There is something special about places like these that can not be absorbed properly through a textbook. To watch the memory forming in them, the way they see and feel the experience. It is the true embodiment of pure untainted joy from parenthood.

This picture of Dustin does little to depict the sheer vastness of this tank behind him or the glee written upon his face, and yet it is one of my favorite places within this splendorous scenic destination. There are so many fish, sharks, and sting rays in this tank, and the soft glow on the faces of those that pass by it is as remarkable as the tank itself. An exquisite display of rich wonderment and its resplendent under water world beauty! I could almost see myself as an underwater princess straight out of "The Little Mermaid Movie" If there had been less people there I may have even danced or spun around in the soft blue glowing light...but I did not. I was good, and proper, and adult like in behavior. Not that I wanted to mind you, but I did. It was just truly breathtaking.

This is a distorted, but wonderful picture of the amazement and wonderment in the eyes of the boys as they peered into the tanks. This one is of George watching the jelly fish swimming in a rhythmic dance on the currents in the water. I have to admit even I was caught up in the simplistic ballet of the jelly's. The way they moved, and how their bodies looked so wondrous and magical dancing in the water. I never realized how many different species of jelly fish that we have out here. It was fun to watch them behind the safety of a tank glass window. Graceful little creatures for sure.

Of course Colton was as cool as ever, for being all of 15 years old going on 25. But there were glimpses of both the child he once was as well as of the man he is turning into. The self assured, confident, gentleman would set out a deep giggle when he had found something cool to focus on, or to direct our attention to. It was fun to see him enjoy himself, being carefree, respectful, and kind. Sometimes I think quietly to myself, and am pleased in how my children seem to be developing. I am very blessed by them.

Some people chase after money, possessions, or things, but these things... these days, these trips you can never afford to do or take... these are the moments of riches beyond all measure. Delighting in the time well spent close with one another. Laughing and delighting in Colton making a USMC water flow experiment, watching Dustin light up light bulbs in an awesome hands on experiment, watching George deliver a news cast to us on wildfires in the area, or watching Carl going over the different sounds each of the different kinds of whales make as they sing sweetly to one another... these are the times of unmeasurable joys and happiness for me. The bystander moments of how genuine love pours over your soul and warms you from within. Where happiness shines brightly, and peace is breathed in.