LDS Adult Prom

I went to the 2009 LDS Adult Prom with my good friends Donnie and Sandra Hewes. The night was beautiful, and the hall was decorated to the hilt. Donnie and Sandra were as adorable as ever, and I was the token single person there. BUT the dinner was wonderful and I did get to dance twice.. once with my soon to be ex brother in law, Sir Jeremeh Job, and of course Donnie. It was great seeing the loving happy couples enjoying themselves together. It gave me hope that maybe... just maybe it could happen. Until then it is a delight to have great friends like the Hewes's and the Van Gorter's to take me under their wing and make sure that I continue to participate in the opportunities that life as a single woman still holds. I had a good time, and it was fun getting ready for. I do miss that part of married life... date night. :)

Quad Riding in Boy Heaven...

The boys and I got to go camping with some really great friends, family, and the local Desert Search and Rescue team for the Memorial Day weekend. It was a total blast! We had 3 big camping trailers, great food, awesome company, and tons of quads at our site. We went to a little place called Dove Springs. It is located north of Mojave, just north of Red Rock State Park, about where the Mojave Desert reaches the Sierra Nevada's. It has 5,000 acres of trails to explore I am told. (OK, So maybe it is not soooo little.) Personally we came out the back of Naralia in California City until we connected with the 14 and turned Right for 7 miles, the sign is on the left hand side for Dove Springs. It really is not hard to navigate. If I can find it without assistance anyone can. The main road has many ruts running across it and its edges are sandy, but my PT Cruiser had no problem with it so someone with a truck should not even blink an eye. The road is easily wide enough for two-way traffic. Taking it slow on the road is a very good idea because many riders use this road to access camps and other places of interest. (Which I learned that when they "wave" they are actually showing you a number on their hand which tells you how many people are following behind them in their group) Dove Springs has lots of Joshua trees, sandy ground, hills, and several breath taking lookout places. This area caters to hill climbers, jumpers, and explorers of all ages and levels of experience. The left side all the way down in the bowl has “The Wall,” which is the crazy testosterone filled competition hill. It is fun to watch people play on the hill, but even with experience there were three separate medivac accidents this weekend alone there... not a place for sissies... or me for that matter. There are several lines running up to the top of the wall, including some angled paths at its northwest end. Prior to the bowl all the way down the main road are some longer lower climbs with harder ground, for people like me who are not really into being air lifted to hospitals. There is however, plenty of vegetation to make for great scenery everywhere in the park. This riding area is very large. You can see the dark El Paso Mountains to the northeast, Red Rock Canyon State Park to the east and southeast, the California City buttes to the south, the San Gabriel Mountains on the southern horizon, and the Sierra Nevada's to the west. Walking in the mornings or at sunset really offers some truly picturesque views. Campsites are primitive to say the least, as there are no established campsites and absolutely no running water anywhere to be had. Camping is open in any open turnout, with respect to vegetation of course. The entire area is open to day use or overnight use. There are two latrine bathrooms in the bowl with (again) no running water, and limited toilet paper. (So hike in your own) Fortunately, we had several toy haulers with full bathrooms for the women and the little kids who were not old enough to ride the quads to the latrines. But if that is not an option for you you might want to set up camp in the bowl, there is plenty of spots for it. There are no fees; no reservations accepted (first come-first served). The biggest thing to remember is having your "Green Sticker" OHV registration is mandatory for ALL vehicles which are not "street legal".Vehicles must have legal headlights and taillights if they are used at night. And trust me they were checking. The boys had a blast. Watching Colton get squirmy on the quads made me both happy, and uneasy all at the same time. I have always said this is boy mecca out here, but you should see some of these girls... I would not mess with them for sure! We had one woman in our group who broke her leg, but still walked on it, showered, visited and 18 hrs later went to Pinecrest Hospital to get X-Rays before finding out yep, she snaped it... a clean break. All I can say is they grow them tough out here, and this is no place for a princess...but man, did I have fun! The shuttle even came in when we were out there, and for a millisecond I felt bad I was not at a staging area watching my baby come in, or sitting down at Domingo's stalking the astronauts. :) I guess they lucked out this time. The space princess was playing Tom Boy, and soaking up watching her boys having the time of their lives... out in the dunes. Going on trial rides into Last Chance Canyon with the real men, and women of this great desert, getting dirty, and playing hard. I had the time of my life. Here is to good friends, and good times. I hope to be invited back sometime because that was just way too much fun.

Colton has a girlfriend...are you kidding me?

Colton, my Marine Corps dreaming baby boy... is dating. I am sooooooooooo not ready for this. I mean who am I to guide this young man on this journey? I have yet to figure out the complexities of it. I do not know how to adequately steer him in the least bit. I am profoundly unqualified, and yet it is my god given job, duty, and right. How does one teach your child to protect themselves. Make concrete decisions for their lives and stick with them. How to not let the opposite sex steal your life goals, and inner most dreams, intentionally or not. And how does one convey that it can and does happen every single day. I am fearful for him. Dating sucks, and he is too young to even realize that yet. I have a friend who repeatedly asks me "What does Dez want?" What do I want? This has been, in the past, hard for me to answer, but in the light of my son at the same crossroads, I know what I want for him... Thus, I am better equipt to answer it for myself. What I want for me is the same thing that I want for Colton. I want someone we can talk to for hours, someone who challenges us, and makes us want to be better people then we already are. Someone who inspires us, and we can look up too morally and righteously, and yet is our equal everyday of our lives. Someone who is intelligent and makes us think, and yet is fun to engage with, someone we can be silly and goofy around without threat of being thought less of. Someone who makes us chuckle, as well as belly laugh, and yet still brings a sense of peace into our lives, and our hearts, when we are around them. Someone we can share all of life's experiences, adventures, day trips, and mundane routine life with. I want us to have a best friend who cherishes us for the depth of character each of us have, not the shells we allow most to see. I want us to find someone worthy of our hearts. Someone that we would be willing to give up the world for, and yet having them never allows us to do so. I want someone who protects us from ourselves, and sees the aura of our potential and worth, and guides us there. Someone we do not have to walk in front of to bring them up, or that we have to walk behind to push along the journey. I want for us a partner in life who can walk beside us... hold our hands, and are as blessed to have us in their lives as we are to have them in our own. And yet armed with all of this self introspective knowledge all I can say is "I am not ready for this"... How can I show him, when I have never seen it come to fruition myself? How do I convey that the quest for the ideal is truly obtainable. That settling is not an option. How do I teach a child with genes that came from my own stock that there is a process and that the right road is not always the easy road... especially when it comes to dating. Sometimes I feel like I can handle the job of parenting, and others, like now,... I just wish there was a manual. Or at least that I had a couple more years of experience behind me in order to properly address this issue. I need an easy button. If not for me, for Cole. I love that kid, and I just want him to have so much more then I have... in love, in life, in self worth, in success, in education. I want his road to be easier then mine, one fought with less pit falls, and uneven ground. I want to give him the cliff notes version of love and dating, so that he can navigate the path better then I have. And yet, here I sit, as a helpless spectator looking into a fish bowl...Powerless. I guess this is where our journey begins to part. Where one learns to become the coveted friend, and one hopes and prays that the child knows the door is always open, and that they can come to you when they need you... and less the dictatorship parent, forcing ones hand to make things happen "Because I said so". Where guiding becomes an art, and the relationship becomes a dance. Where the choices he makes today are based on the values that I have instilled in him prior. I just hope, more then anything, that I have not let him down. I trust him to make better choices then I have... I just hope that he does.

Mother's Day...

Well, I looked through the closet. But to no avail, I must have sent out my super suit to the cleaners and forgot to go pick it up. Found some dresses I forgot I had, and even a old pair of boots... but no suit.

Today was great, I got to go to church, pay some bills, do some yard work, and go for my walk. I even got a bit of a sunburn. The boys made me cards. George's had poetry and a lucky fox origami creature. As well as a beautiful purple flower to plant in my garden. Dustin's had a smelly ladybug for my linen closet and a letter singing my praises. They were very nice. I even managed to sleep in till 0900, which is a miracle all in itself.

C- Dog was sick, and his present to me was not sharing it. He slept most of the day, which was difficult I am sure with the high temps.

Well, I hope everyone had a wonderful Mother's Day. .. I know at least for me, my mother gets the least credit and deserves the most respect. I hope you were thought of today and were made to feel as special as you truly are. WAY TO GO MOM's!!!! YOU ROCK!!!!

Jason Vons @ The Bakersfield Rodeo!

Some of my dearest friends in all of the world decided it would be a good idea to take me out to the Rodeo in Bakersfield, Ca. Me, the space princess...to the rodeo. I LOVE country music, and enjoy dancing to it even more... but going to the rodeo was lifetime ago, back when I was cute and adorable, when I was loud and full of energy, low on common sense and high on adrenaline! Man, those were the days! Rowdy Dezilou was going back to the scene of the crime, and this time with witnesses... oh my! Of course life has changed me, and with it the rodeo experience too. This night was perfect. We arrived early, got a good parking place, and made our way to the booths in front of the stands. The smell of funnel cakes, fresh roasted corn on the cob, cold beer and steak sauce permeated every square inch of rustic arena space.

Sandra decided to try on cowboy hats, with the disclaimer that she doesn't look good in them resonating from her lips, as men passing by were looking on with one raised eyebrow, thinking "Hell yes you do!" written all over their faces. It made me chuckle to watch the gentle coaxing of her husband, and long time boyfriend, Donnie trying to get her to model them for him. How they delight in one another, makes me smile. Sandra and I checked out jewelry (it is a girl thing!), and made our way to the clothing booths. Sandra and I decided to buy new shirts since the ones we were wearing were too big for us. (by a whole size or two!) She picked out a cute little teal number with pink highlights, and of course she picked out the perfect pink one for me too.

Without thinking, teasingly, I leaned into Donnie, and asked him if he thought I could get that one to go. Leaning back peering through the crowd, eyes affixed on a tall good looking man in the corner. He was the most attractive pretty boy, God has graced the rodeo circuit with in decades... JASON VONS. Donnie caught my gaze, and smiled. His eyes lite up, and within a flash he is gone!!! I am left dying,embarrassed, melting in a pool of why me introspection. (Remind me not to make innuendos to men that love me like their daughter, have no shame in embarrassing me to all hell, and would love nothing else then to see me eternally happy.) In a blink of an eye, and a cloud of dust, Donnie was G-O-N-E...GONE..LONG GONE!!! Square stepped and bee lined to the Army booth, assuredly to hit up the honorable men in green for a picture of their spokesman, front man, recruiter extraordinaire, and pretty boy, Jason Vons with me. He sets up the whole scene with them sharing the sorted details of my divorce...nice. Strangers knowing my loser status, in order to procure a photo with the interest of my desires. But none the less it works, without any reservations his buddies send him down the river... sure he will do it, gladly, anytime man. Donnie is beaming, bouncing on the air currents, proud of his acquisition. He has secured a coveted photo op. Of course I am doing my best to avoid eye contact with him as much as possible, and it is of no use... if anyone knows Donnie, when Donnie wants to be heard, there aren't many who don't notice him.

Donnie is going to make sure I have a great time at this rodeo or he is going to kill me. He breaks the news. He is so proud of himself, and what the heck... like who is Vons anyway? I mean, some self serving wonder god who is in love with himself and his sport of choice no doubt! What does it matter, in the scheme of things, it is one picture...why not, I am game.

After some time (for me to get up my nerve), we meander our way through the crowd for the coveted 30 seconds of shame. Sandra in tow, getting a quick in service on how to use my camera, and we are off. Donnie hits the gates running and introduces himself to Vons. Asking him if his buddies have enlightened him to what they have signed him up for? Yeah no. Not so much... Donnie quickly explains asks if he might pose with me for a photo. And in flash of a second, any rodeo man, or NASCAR nut would truly appreciate, he fires off with HELLLL YA! Let me stop the clock for just a second here, Here I am standing there mortified he does not know, and I am panicky, wanting to leave, exit stage right, fly the coop. And Donnie asks... and he fires back HELLLL YA! He could have said sure, or he could have said no problem, could have even said why not... but he didn't! He said HELLLL YA!

Let me tell you, for a woman going through a divorce, trying every single second of every single moment to stay afloat... there was nothing he could have given me more rewarding then that Milli moment gut reaction in time.

I mean, I don't want a pretty boy to have and to keep for my own, someone you have to feel insecure about who is taking him one from you, I just like watching them, taking note of them... and it is nice...nice beyond measure to know that they took note of me too.

I got my photo and tried to run away, but he introduced himself to Donnie and myself. I shook his hand, made small talk and he asked me my name twice before I actually gave it to him. It was great, and about all that I could handle at this stage of the game for me. We ended up going back to our seats and cheering on the boys from Oakdale,CA- Modesto,CA and Fallon, NV...and of course, Jason Vons. The night was cool, and the rich warm smell of dirt, men and animals wafted through the air. It was perfect rodeo weather. We watched the girls with amazing hair (in envy), and the even more spectacular horses, brave bronc riders, quick as lightning calf ropers, and insaine bull riders all do their thing. Even Vons rode, and impressively placed 3rd, even walked away with a little cash. I guess we both had a really good night. Next year; I am going to buy another shirt since this pink one is going to be too big by then, I am going to eat my very first funnel cake ever...(Strawberry I think), I am coming for both days, and I am sooooooooo staying for the dance... Who knows, maybe by then I will no longer be broken, and I might actually find that one cowboy who challenges me mentally, and loves to dance.... It could happen. Until then; Good Luck Jason Vons...nice ride!