Life is a Gift....

There have been a series of events that has surrounded me lately that has me deep in thought.  Again with an issue that has been long since a staple in my life.  From working in the hospitals of my past to observations of the present. It saddens me, the reality of it.   I suppose it is best if I take a moment to take a step back and explain the missing pieces of the puzzle.

It started again for me about a week and a half ago.  A young man in his late 30's.  A face I would occasionally see smiling in the halls.  He was on his way to work, just like any other day before.  Same route, same routine.  He was struck by a text messaging while driving 20 year old  blowing a stop sign at 70 mph...on his way daily morning commute to work.  He was killed instantly.  He is survived by his wife and 4 children ranging from 3 to 18.  The 12 year old they called shadow because he did everything with his father.  Shadow stopped eating for several days in grief.  I did not know the Garrett family, nor did I know this man who walked quietly among us.  He was a  face in a crowd to me... but to his family he was their whole world.  And now their whole world lays in shambles, as shattered glass upon the ground.  A woman becomes in the blink of an eye, both mother, and father to her heartbroken family.  All while trying desperately to keep from drowning in her own grief as well.  My heart bleeds for them.  Their oldest has Asperger's Syndrome... just like my middle one.  My heart breaks for the boy who does not know how to deal with normal feelings let alone with the torrential waterfall of pain, guilt, and grief he now faces.  This is just tragic anyway you look at it.

Then a second event hits from out of the blue.  I find that another man more familiar then the first, but still an acquaintance has not just fallen ill due to the swine flu, but has actually passed away due to his exposure and contraction of it.  This young man was all of 25 years old, healthy, and active.   He was known to come into my home and harass my children as a big brother might. He was funny, and friendly, and always willing to give a hand.  He was the best friend of a land lord I had while here in Boron.  He would come like a shadow attached to my landlord and his wife.  Never very far, always quick with a laugh, or a witty remark.  Usually at someones expense, but all in good jest.  He was a substitute teacher at the High School.  So the kids all knew him quite well.  He was too young, to healthy, too strong to die.  Dialysis, and poor blood gases were no match for him.  Dennis Darr was the one who helped take care of his parents when they were in failing health... how on earth did the young, strong, full of life care taker die before the already compromised parents?  Tragically lost too soon in a shroud of scary unanswered questions.  His celebration of life is to be on this coming Monday.  And while I did not know Dennis well, the fact is I did know him, and I liked him.  I respected who he was, and what he stood for.  And I will go as a quiet observer to support this community, his best friend, his family, and him.

Then today I got to help with a baby shower.  To hold a precious little life within my hands, and stroke her soft and tender head.  She was alert and her eyes were bright.  A tiny miracle of God. She smiled so tenderly  at me, and seemed to know with all certainty she was in good hands.  It made me ponder so many things.  How life is a rare and most precious gift. We have all been granted the time we were given, the experiences we get to have, the blessings we get to embrace and yet none of us knows when that card will be recalled.  My PaPa died at 94 years old... it can and does happen all of the time.  Carl's grandmother is 93 years old right now.  Both with long full abundant lives.  And yet there are so many still like my brother in law who died at 38 years old just 2 years ago. My Grandmother who died at 36.  Like Mr. Garret in his late 30's, or Mr. Darr at 25.

I have long pondered of this concept and it is written upon the tablet of my heart. Words that seem to have long echoed within my ears over the course of my life, but seem more recently to carry more and more weight.  Words I have but just recently passed on to my boyfriend, Carl. Cherish the Moments.

Cherish the Moments we are given, embrace the love as it is given us.  The big and the little stuff.  The meaningful and the simplistic.  Embrace your life, and live it with purpose, drink it in with passion, and pass it forward with love, understanding, and respect.

For me this is people.  My children, my beautiful boys, and the moments they choose to smother me with their love, and excitement. My lover, and best friend, and the moments he chooses to hold me, talk to me, and share a piece of himself.  My friendships such as those with my dear friends; Amy and Tanya, or those of my work colleagues such as Russell, Stephanie, or Emil.   For me it is also cherishing the opportunities and life experiences.  Such as the slow dances, the historical NASA events, decorating for the 58 days of Christmas, the quiet dinners out, the sunsets in the desert, the feeling the waves of the ocean crashing upon your feet.

I am grateful for it all.  Life is much too short.  And in the blink of an eye, anyone of us could be gone.  Those around me know me.  I ooze love, not just from the heart upon my sleeve but from every breath I exhale.  I am not perfect, but I do cherish my moments.  I cherish the smiles from strangers, from faces in the crowd.  I cherish those who come ever so briefly into my life and touch me and the lives of my children.  I cherish the laughter, and energy of my boys.  I cherish the love of a good, kind, and long awaited soul mate.  I cherish my friends who make me laugh, let me cry, and carry me through.  I cherish the gift of a tiny and delicate brand new life, and getting if only for a moment to hold her hand and welcome her to her journey.  I cherish the ability I have to help, when a distress call is played.  I cherish the joy I get to pass it all forward.  I am rich with life, rich with blessings, rich which experiences, and just for the record... my life is Full, and anything from this point forward is just icing on the cake.

I will continue to cherish the moments... today, now more then ever.

Thank You, Lord.

I have not blogged in a while due to some heart breaking developments that I will not go into here.  It is enough to say that life is a constant flux of change.  It is the journey that forges us into the people we are meant to be.  Choices are made by each and everyone of us along the path.  Countless lives we touch and love and learn to let go of.  The relationships in our lives are for reasons, seasons, and some special few for lifetimes.  I cherish the ones I have today for I know not if they will be there tomorrow.  The best of friends, the love of my family, the loving supportive relationship I am currently in.  All can be gone tomorrow. 

This is self evident once again in my life.  Having to let go and distance myself for the greater benefit of the friend.  There is no less love there for them.  All things have a place and a time.  Ours is just over.  While this revelation saddens me greatly, I am thankfully reflective of all of the wonderful times and precious memories I have been gifted by them.  The pieces of the friendship that I will forever hold close to my heart with no regrets.  

I am but one person making the best decisions that I can make for myself with the information that I have set before me at each and every moment of my life.  These are my choices, these are my decisions, and this is my path.  I hold my head up and face the wind and take one step at a time.

Baccus Ranch...

Wow, you talk about a big boys playground! There was so much to see, do, and explore. We easily could have been there for weeks on end and never gotten bored. Most of which I saw had to be explained to me in great detail, but that is what made it so much fun. A little boy's workshop mecca. So much to play with, everything could be created into something. The creature and creations only limited by your own imagination.

The boys got a kick out of this guy. A blinged out super robot that could help you with your homework, your housework, your workshop, and your home security system all while looking pretty darn sharp! The boys had so many stories about the wonderful uses for this guy that you half started to believe them yourself. It was amazing to me how the spark of one man's imagination was transformed into such a wonderful peice of artwork which then ignigted a whole forest fire of imagination within the minds of two young children. The delight they got in his decorations and his chains... making him more then just metal... making him real in their little minds. How wonderful it was for me to play watchful protective mother from a safe distance.

How Fun it was for all of us to enjoy being able to snoop around and find such wonderful treasures something suited for each of us. Colton found this spikey ball of death. For a 15 year old boy nothing could be more dangerous and fun to weild then a dangerous metal ball most would think twice before picking up let alone walk with. His imagination sparked with thoughts of fights and wars of long ago. Warriors in metal suits defending fortresses in beautiful foriegn countries. How he did laugh at me as I asked him to pose with the sculpture. I love his laugh.

The dragon of Carl's passionate artwork so beautifully portrayed in metal sculpured form. From the scales on his back to the mystic orb held tight within his jaws, it is a marvel of design and ordinary made extrodinary. A collection of talented relicks of the Baccus family that seem to explain the talents of the now grown men. How blessed they were to grow up in such a free expressionistic home that encouraged and nurtured their talents. The passions of the parents, gifted to the sons. What an amazingly talented, tight knit, loving, family.

Beyond the artwork was the toys. Dustin playing on a 35 thousand dollar tractor dreaming big dreams of working with great equiptment and playing. He does live in the right spot for that. With the Rio Tinto Mine not far from here... he just may someday make this dream a reality. Time will tell. How consentrated he was on making this big contraption work. How one can look into the future and see this image as the before shot and a grown man on the same machine years later as the after shot. He was loving it. My marvelous machine enamoured baby... does not matter what it is or what it does, he LOVES machines. Roaring engines, forceful power, magnificent metal.... splendor danced in his heart as he sat there.

Even George got on board, he got to bend and shape some peices of metal. He had learned what levers to push in what succession and his imagination was already lit with furry as to what it could become or how it should look. He loved it, and was overjoiedwith the news that he could take his peice of metal home with him. He was focused and happy. Glad to have made something, anything with his hands that he could show off and be proud of. It was wonderful to share in his exciment. I think he shocked himself, and then he had to orient all those around who would listen to what he had just learned. A born teacher.

I marveled at the gate, unique and splendid in all its wonderous glory. The scrolled artwork at the top, the sturdy secure wagon wheels as the secure base. The beautiful melody that graced any movement from the gate from the five fancy bells...one of which was silent and did not work because the knocker had fallen loose. It seemed so symbolic to me. Symbolic of a wonderful family which honor their mother and place her on high above all else (the beautiful scolled design), the Father providing the strength and security of the family (the reinforced bars on the bottom holding everything together), the two boys represented by success and movement (the two wagon wheels) The four functioning bells one for each fully functioning family member... all beautiful alone, but harmonious and delightful together. Even the electronic call box at the gate symbolic of the two boys in I.T., communications, and computers. The gate simplistic and yet sturdy beautiful and strong. The artwork and design reminissent of just how truly talented the family that presides beyond these walls really are. To most this place would not seem like much. To me it seemed rich with memories and love and laughter. The Baccus family home. Within these walls grew much more then rose bushes and trees long gone... within these walls grew an amazingly rich family.

It is evident to me as I sat on the front portch watching my boys with Carl and his Father play on the tractor just how rich and abundant this soil really still is. Dirt is dirt, and land is land, but family ties are the most proseperous crop this land has ever populated. I love showing my sons what this looks like... family roots. The Baccus Ranch deeply grounded in history, in acceptance, in free expression, and encouraged imagination. All I can say is... it was fun being able to share in the experience.

Thank you Carl, Jim, and Alice for letting us in. : ) <3>

Birch Aquarium - San Diego, CA

Oh my gosh we had the best, on a whim, destination stop in San Diego when we decided as a family to go to an aquarium for the day. The day started out with a wonderful breakfast, at Mimi's Cafe, full of scrumptious hot chocolate, cold juice, sweet pancakes, rich quiche, warm omelets, fresh pumpkin muffins and much, much, more. It was Colton's idea..."Hey, why don't we go to an aquarium?" Great idea! We took out the trusty navigation guru, Garmin, loaned to us by a dear friend. We affectionately refer to the navigational tool as Jill. We punched in aquarium and low and behold, Jill found us one, less then 8 miles down the road. PERFECT! We set out on a fun filled adventure to Birch Aquarium.

There were these amazing live coral reefs set down so the kids could reach in and touch living sea anemones, hermit crabs, and star fish. My desert dune boys were not sure what to make of weird water creatures, and would not put their hands anywhere near them. Carl showed them they were safe and not going to harm them, but no way were they going to be coaxed into the off chance he might be wrong. Watching them learn and interact with Carl was fun for me from the other side of the camera. He is a natural teacher, and they are sponges when around him. Maybe it is his calm, quiet demeanor... maybe it is his vast amounts of knowledge... maybe it is his willingness to slow down and genuinely listen to them... what ever it is, it was nice to stand back and observe silently from the other side of a camera's lense.

The vast array of coral and brilliantly colored fish was so amazing. It seemed so peacefully tranquil to me, and yet to Dustin the negative ions seemed to wash over him with each new tank only amping up his level of exuberance and delight. A wound battery, ever ready, and delighted to skip ahead to announce the up coming attraction. Hyper and happy, he stayed within sight of us, but rarely within arms reach. His own sheer enchantment drawing us deeper and deeper into each of the tunnels.

The day itself was perfect. The weather was cool and crisp, with a gentle breeze to keep it nice. But it was not too cold, not cool enough even for light jackets. It was perfectly beautiful and serene. The waves crashing gently on the beach below was truly picturesque. Spending time with my children and with Carl was nothing short of glorious. The air show was nice, but it was the kind of excitement and happiness that drains you... This trip to Birch Aquarium was the slower pace of life kind of trip. The kind that was more fulfilling. A recharging of the batteries of life, slower, calming, peaceful. I love to see the boys learn... hands on is so much better then any in class study time. There is something special about places like these that can not be absorbed properly through a textbook. To watch the memory forming in them, the way they see and feel the experience. It is the true embodiment of pure untainted joy from parenthood.

This picture of Dustin does little to depict the sheer vastness of this tank behind him or the glee written upon his face, and yet it is one of my favorite places within this splendorous scenic destination. There are so many fish, sharks, and sting rays in this tank, and the soft glow on the faces of those that pass by it is as remarkable as the tank itself. An exquisite display of rich wonderment and its resplendent under water world beauty! I could almost see myself as an underwater princess straight out of "The Little Mermaid Movie" If there had been less people there I may have even danced or spun around in the soft blue glowing light...but I did not. I was good, and proper, and adult like in behavior. Not that I wanted to mind you, but I did. It was just truly breathtaking.

This is a distorted, but wonderful picture of the amazement and wonderment in the eyes of the boys as they peered into the tanks. This one is of George watching the jelly fish swimming in a rhythmic dance on the currents in the water. I have to admit even I was caught up in the simplistic ballet of the jelly's. The way they moved, and how their bodies looked so wondrous and magical dancing in the water. I never realized how many different species of jelly fish that we have out here. It was fun to watch them behind the safety of a tank glass window. Graceful little creatures for sure.

Of course Colton was as cool as ever, for being all of 15 years old going on 25. But there were glimpses of both the child he once was as well as of the man he is turning into. The self assured, confident, gentleman would set out a deep giggle when he had found something cool to focus on, or to direct our attention to. It was fun to see him enjoy himself, being carefree, respectful, and kind. Sometimes I think quietly to myself, and am pleased in how my children seem to be developing. I am very blessed by them.

Some people chase after money, possessions, or things, but these things... these days, these trips you can never afford to do or take... these are the moments of riches beyond all measure. Delighting in the time well spent close with one another. Laughing and delighting in Colton making a USMC water flow experiment, watching Dustin light up light bulbs in an awesome hands on experiment, watching George deliver a news cast to us on wildfires in the area, or watching Carl going over the different sounds each of the different kinds of whales make as they sing sweetly to one another... these are the times of unmeasurable joys and happiness for me. The bystander moments of how genuine love pours over your soul and warms you from within. Where happiness shines brightly, and peace is breathed in.

MIRAMAR AIRSHOW 2009

You know some people think they have me all figured out. And I laugh... The reason that I love going to Miramar is so complicated and so simplistic that it often escapes people. They act like it some big secret, and in fact it is as simple as knowing that someday I am going to soar... I am going to make it. That this battered and bruised battleship is being put back together daily, that my rivets are being rewelded where they once popped apart. The broken hull is being made stronger and tighter, and yes... someday I am going to fly. Not just merely a secretary in an office as the assistant to all... but for once I am going to fly, and shine for all to see. An airshow moment of my life... no longer the spectator, but to dance in the glory of the sun. The time is coming, I can feel it....

And yet it is deeper still and more complicated. For many that come to the tarmac hold a love of the planes, and a serious appreciation for the grace and beauty of flight. I love the feel of the jet wash ripping through the air and reverberating off the bones deep within my chest. The sight of a slow copper orange sunset glistening off the rivets of an old, polished, pristinely restored, B-52 Bomber, that makes the beautiful, brunette, bombshell nose art take center stage. It is the soft low hum of the crowd as a F-22 comes in for a tight pass, and a high banking turn. It is the clapping of appreciation as an armored tank drives by with honorable service men and women waving from the turrets. It is the peaceful, misleading dance, in the sky high above. Beautiful and graceful, and yet lethal if necessary. It is the show of magnificent skill and talent, coupled with engineering master pieced constructed by intellectual collaborations and designed by marvelous minds. They are the fantastic women of the sky. Symbolic in their beauty, grace, and stream lined prowess as well as in their vastly different shapes, colors, and job classifications. They are strong when they need to be, and gentle, and patient when they don't.

I was told by one of my sons not so long ago, that my fascination with planes and with flight was not feminine,... that it was not becoming of a woman. I beg to differ. It is how I see it that makes it what it is to me. Although no other may see it as I, it is the vision that makes me who and what I am. Some think it is this love and passion that is slowly deteriorating the fine tuning of my hearing. What I do know is I truly LOVE the sound of the engines, the roar of the after burners... it is magnificent,AWESOME, inspirational and it makes me smile from deep within my soul. Few things in life are worth losing your senses for... to me, this is one that just is. Not many would understand that concept... then again not many understand me, and that is OK. This time, this place, the moments I get to be at NASA, these are moments of my dreams. I cherish them. I soak them in and they become a part of me. I love planes... I love air shows... I love flight.

But the whole air show event is not limited to the enjoyment I get from the planes. The planes are just the tip of the iceberg for me. It is spending time with the my beloved family... and enjoying the time we get to be with one another. Enjoying the personalities, and uniqueness in all of us. Watching my oldest son light up in the glow of the Marine Corps propaganda booths, and all of the Marine Corps gear. Letting him go with limited freedom to get food and drinks on his own, without the watchful supervision of his over protective Mother. How happy he is to walk past the men and women in uniform all puffed up and dreamy of days and accomplishments just around the bend to come. A boy looking into the eyes of manhood, and his desired future profession. Not knowing the real commitment involved, but desiring it none the less. It is watching the eyes of my two youthful sons faces deep into their very first funnel cakes. The strawberry and apple fillings smothering the hot pastry waffle goodness in a shower of powder sugar. How excited they were to sell me out for the Mother of the Year Award when I announced that Funnel Cakes were an acceptable dinner for air shows. How puzzled the looks as to how to judge their mother being morphed from the vegetable forcing balanced food group policeman to the carefree junk eating glutton cheerleader. How they seemed to revel in the thought they were getting away with something.

It was sitting cuddled into the arms of the one that you love in the brisk night air watching the night show, the fireworks, and the Napalm Wall of Fire. The Ooooooooo's and Awes resounding from the crowds in all directions in a chorused crescendo of amazement and appreciation overcame everyone at the same time.

It is the happy little boy laughter coming from the barreled chests of grown men as the fire billows the mushroom cloud explosions high into the darkened sky and dusts you with a blanket of dry heated warmth. It is the love in the air, the positive feeling that surrounds you and holds you up long after the show is over. It is the patriotism, the love of nation, country, service, and yourself that hangs heavy in your heart long afterward. This is Miramar... this is Family... this is Southern California Fun. This is what I live for...

Agency CIO's Visit Dryden!

The new Agency CIO for NASA joined us today for a walk through and overview of our unique niche in the NASA family's big picture. Lind Cureton is not just an amazingly eloquent speaker, but she is very politically correct as well. She is an expert navigator of some torrential tempest seas. Her history is as colorful and in depth and remarkable as anyone you would expect to hold down such a distinguished career position as hers, but what struck a cord with me was how down to earth she was. How she easily, and with confidence, and great poise, communicated with all of us around her... no matter what our position, our given rank, or our title. She was diligent in attending to her duties as she was shuttled to and from every venue under the blazing sun at Dryden. And yet she was humorous and lighthearted when the moments called for it. She is an amazing choice, in my humble opinion, to be the spearhead of such a vital and needed chain of leadership for the Office of the CIO.

It was truly an honor to meet all of them. Jerry Williams, Bobby German, and Linda Cureton were so classy, gracious, and kind. It is not what I had expected from Heads of NASA power positons, and the rock of the Information Technology Team. Beyond vasts amounts of knowledge, there was a current which flowed forth of excitement for the technology, for the unique missions we support here at Dryden, and childlike curiosity. These are all amazing emotions that I as a fly on a wall was blessed to see first hand in the faces of these intellectual giants. It makes me feel comforted, and secure with our leadership knowing that they too feel the same currents of pride, and excitement that we feel everyday supporting our mission directive of exploration and innovation.

They took time to speak to the people even though I know that they really did not have the time too. They answered questions, and encouraged an open dialogue with our center. They never once let on how much they were physically dragging. They got in to their hotel at 0130 in the morning, which is 0430 their time. Then they were at Dryden by 0815. I know they had to be exhausted and tired... but they never let on as such. They were diligent in their quest to do and see what makes this place so special and so unique. I am impressed that our new CIO of only 2 days would want to do this. Obviously she wanted to see first hand for herself, and she did. Change is in the air for the whole I.T. branch of the equation, and yet with an uphill battle waging in front of us, I am excited. With Cloud Computing on the horizon, I think we have strong capable leaders to guide us to new heights.

It was a honor to meet them all, to shuttle them around and play. I did not wear the right shoes for the day, and I am paying the price even today for it. I would not have changed a single moment of it though. Getting to see them truly enjoy this wonderful center, to get to physically observe them really getting the big picture of WHY we are here. That was amazing, and a once in a lifetime opportunity. We are not paper pushers here at Dryden, we are the doers of NASA. The often forgotten, unspoken workhorse of the fleet. We are small in comparison, but we are mighty in mission and accomplishment, rich in history, and grounded in the security of NASA's continued future. I am proud of our foot mark on this agency, and it was neat to see the CIO's get a sense of that pride too. That is huge.

Linda and Jerry got to fly in the F-18 simulator, and if you saw the previous entry of my personal experience in them you know how exhilarating it is. I loved watching them light up just as I did. They may be the top line, but they are still very personable and human. Grown up children reveling in joy. I loved that. Enjoyment of the silver lining to a very stressful position. A chance of a lifetime also for them.

They visited Global Hawk plane as well as the control center. Spoke technology and mission with the boys that really make it happen. I showed first hand the importance of OUR I.T. support at the center at that level. I LOVED IT! What a great job that I have, to be witness to such things. THIS is what makes my job fun. THIS is why I do what I do. THIS is why I am the way that I am. I really enjoy my life. What a wonderful blessing.

STS-128

One has to wonder if STS-128 is going to be the last shuttle to come to California before they retire the fleet. The legacy of Dryden Flight Research Center's in the history of shuttled flights to space and the moon... almost over. The new era of space travel on the cusp of a new day. A new generation of space travel..... The Aries 1 and 5. No longer will we, as a nation, be able to witness first hand, the grace and skill of these piloted decents. Their job no longer needed on reentry. I, for one, will miss this. Watching the flight of the shuttle is a patriotic blessing from this nation to me. OK, so maybe not only to me, but definitely one of the moments of majesty that make me very proud to be an American. I sit there in awe and love every millisecond of the experience.

I will never in my lifetime get to witness a launch of one of these great beauties, I will never get to sit inside one of them and witness first hand the simple grandeur of their true simplistic machinery, I will never sit and chat with an astronaut over crumpets and juice, or even get to personally meet Mr. Charles Bolden himself and shake his hand... but what I do get to do is watch. I get to watch in awe, wonderment, and exhilaration as the symbol of this great agency comes successfully back to earth, to the home of the free and the brave. An emblem of what we stand for, not just as the front runner of NASA and all of her amazing accomplishments... but as the beacon for this country as a light willing to push ahead for the greater good of the entire world. I urge all who were there to cherish the memory, remember the smells, the sights, the sounds. For this is a precious yet fleeting gift. One that should not be forgotten or taken lightly.

Few people get to witness history. I may not be an integral part of it, but the fact is I am here. And the time is now. STS-128 is home, and I got to cheer her in. I am bias in the fact that her coming here is as much of a blessing to her as it is to me. We offer a unique experience here at Dryden... When the shuttle comes here they are welcomed back as heroes. Domingo's Mexican Restaurant opens its arms and doors at all hours of the day and night to welcome the astronauts first real meal back on earth. The Mexican restaurant is as much a museum, and celebration of flight, as it is an eating establishment. This is our home. The desert... a barren, boring little place, in the middle of no where, that lives for the love Space and Flight. No where on the globe can you find the passion of these people. These people are like me... and I am home.

I for one love this place. I love NASA, and all that we do. I love the environmental impact that we are still forging ahead on. Do you know what I love the most? It is being a part of the team. It is easy for everyone to look at an astronaut and know they are a poster boy for NASA, but so is everyone behind the scenes. Those who sit behind a computer uploading images on websites shot by those of us on the ground so that everyone with such a desire to witness it can. They miss getting to take the photos of their own. They miss the chance of a lifetime to be a part of the moment. Without them many of those that share in it, never would be able to. Those who sit in the stuffy mission control room talking to the pilot, problem solving, and supporting 100%, holding their breath... or those people who make the phones work that support the hundreds of phone calls that are generated before, during, and after the flights. The nurses who stand at the ready to address any potential gravity issues of the crew... or even the safety guys who just stand at the ready... with hopes they are never even needed... but there just in case. We all have a stake in it. We all have a moment of baited breath, and a collective cheer as the double sonic boom is not just heard, but also felt. We ARE the team. I am proud to get to share in it.

I got to sit in front of the opening of the shuttle discovery. It was AWESOME. I loved it. It is amazing to me how the blessings come when you least expect it. I was wearing the wrong shoes, and Tess, a co worker of mine, had an extra pair at her desk... so I got to go on the up close and personal tour of Discovery because of her preparedness. I had secretly wanted to go see Discovery... but I had corny reasons why, and I had not uttered them to a single soul. Discovery starts with a D, just like Dryden, and Desiree. She seems to me, to be the most like me. She is the most beaten up, bumped and bruised angel of the fleet. She has had a tough road, and still finds the strength to get back up and soar again ,and again when ever, and how ever she is needed. She reaches for the stars high within our orbit and dances with them. She takes care of her crew, at all cost. And Discovery is the name that captures the mission of space flight the best. I know it is just a machine, but to me, she is a symbol. A symbol of perseverance, ...of strength, ...of achieving her dreams. It seems to me, to be the one shuttle out of the entire fleet I feel most connected to. I am so happy that I got to be so close to her, feeling her energy, and taking a piece of that memory into my heart and soul forever. Discovery is my favorite. Always has been always will be. The neat trivial part of this journey for Discovery is the simple fact that she arrived here at NASA's Dryden's Flight Research Center on September 11th, 2009, and she was going home on the 747 whose call sign is also 911. For one who remembers 9/11 was a day of sorrow and of national devastation in 2001. Terrorists attached us as a nation viciously with our own planes, killing hundreds of our people... hitting the world trade center, a Pennsylvania field, and the Pentagon. I know all of us, as a great nation, knew where we were when we first heard or watched the news unravel that horrible day. And yet at that moment I never dreamt that 8 years later I would be blessed enough to be on the roof of building 4800 of Dryden's Flight Research Center at the same moment waiting on the arrival of one of this nations most majestic jewels. I never would have dreamed I would be in such a historic place for flight, watching such a magnificent sight so close, and with such private and special access. We just never get to know where our journeys are going to take us, how far we are going to go, or what we are yet to become, what we are yet to experience, or what we are yet to witness. I never could have dreamed this big. I never could have wished a wish this large. My bubble was so much smaller then, the glass ceiling so much lower. I love how my life has evolved before me. I am where I am meant to be... and everything has led me here for this moment. Getting to watch Discovery go back to KSC with my kids at the early moments of the day was nothing better then perfect. My tummy was rumbling with flu, but I would not have missed it for the world. How do they, as my children, get the chance to soak this in? The shuttle, directly in front of them! I love being able to spark that energy and excitement within them. To let if flow freely from me to them... my next generation. I wonder as I watch them, what it is they will do, how far they will go, what will they become, what will they get to witness, and be a part of. How will they seek out their own journeys, embrace their own histories, and find their own paths. How will they be a part of this great story we call America? We are all a part of a team, a part of a national story... an American dream. These are amazing and wonderful times in which I live in today, and I am eternally grateful for all of them. I thank the Lord, for my many blessings, for my experiences, and my memories. I am truly blessed.

I.T. Waffle Bar Appreciation Breakfast

We in the Information Technology Branch at Dryden were in serious need of a little moral boosting, and appreciation for the hard jobs that drive us day in and day out. The bosses got together and created a WONDERFUL treat for all of us. A wonderful waffle bar for all of us to feast on and enjoy. Yummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

The food brought us together, but the laughter and the smiles came from within. It was delightful to see the light heartedness in the air, and to feel the air heavy with smells of fresh warm waffles! The toppings were ENDLESS! And the creations were extra special! It was so much fun just being in the midst of such hardworking and wonderful company.We really missed Rob on own celebration day. He was out ill, and missed yet another fun moment in the Data Analysis Facility history. I guess we will just have to do this or something even more wild and crazy next time. This was a blast none the less. What a great group. I love my job, but not just because of where I work, but rather because of who I get to work with as well. These are the best group of workers anywhere. I love Code V!

Thank you guys for making my job fun every single day I get to come to work. You have my back, look out for me, and are loyal to our department and our center. I love you guys. Thanks for all that you do behind the scenes that no one sees. YOU GUYS ROCK!!!

Camp Jack Hazard...WHERE EVERYBODY ROCKS OUT!!!

A place filled with the laughter of young children, the warming rays of golden sunlight softly filtering through the dense pine trees, and the smell of red clay dirt and old pine needles permeates the air. The road to camp is marred with boulders and worn ruts that send you bouncing violently to and fro if you dare to drive faster then the 5 mile an hour speed limit. It is humble, and sparse. It is crude by most standards...and yet is it is the most wonderful place on earth. The people, the passions. A love of nature is the reason, but the people are the key. Humble Olive green shacks, lacking doors, with a single light bulb run by generator, filled with 4 sets of simple bunk beds are the basic cabin set up. The walls are covered with names and signatures of adoring children from every session leading back to the beginning of camp that go all the way up to the ceiling. The most beautiful graffiti in the world... art drawn in love by children. This is what I think of when I think of my childhood summers at Camp Jack Hazard. I got to go back this past weekend with my children in tow to the place I left my heart so many years ago. This was a journey of reflection for me, as well as an exuberant embrace of what I have become. 13 years have past, and so much has changed... and yet standing there in my beloved cabin #6 the memories flooded back to me, with over whelming clarity, and I seemed to be transported back in time...only to realize nothing had changed. The most surreal part was that this time I got to share it with those I love the best... my boys. My heart raced as I got to tell the tales of days gone by, of stories told of their mother once young and beautiful, and in love with her Mother Earth. The way my boys listened with bright eyes as I told them of the thunderstorm that overtook the camp one summer day. How it darkened the sky, and the thunder shook the cabin so violently. How the rain came down like buckets dumped from heaven and how I had to stay huddled in the cabin calming the fears of 8 little boys in that very cabin as Joel and Jay frantically worked with pick axes and shovels to make trenches to divert water flow to save the cabin and the camp from flash flooding, and being washed away. It was eating dinner the first night at the Kennedy Meadows Inn and showing them the saloon that I used to love to dance in, and awakened my love of country music, saw dust, hay bails on an old wooden floor, of dusty stinky old pack mules, and real mountain men who work hard, and play even harder. It was standing on the porch of the inn looking out into the meadow and remembering playing in the leaves by the babbling brook with my first love. It was all these memories and more that bring you to the realization that I was in a place of youthful magic. I was back at The YMCA of Stanislaus county's very own Camp Jack Hazard. Their motto is " It will change your summer, and possibly your life." I disagree, it will change your life. There is not a soul that can come here and not be positively altered by the passion, and the people here. The sense of family, and of coming home. I spent much time alone and to myself this past weekend, but not because I was distant, or morose. I was soaking it all in. A human sponge. The sights, the smells, the depth of colors, each footstep on every trail saved back into memory vault. This was the closest I have ever came to heaven in my life. The relationships meant more there. The friendships were weighted in values more meaningful then any precious metal or gold. When life was unjaded by reality, and we knew nothing of heartbreak, disappointment, pain, or sorrow. When your summer was over, and you had to leave your heart shattered because you knew you were leaving it behind on that mountain.

For the most part the camp was exactly the same as I had left it. The natural beauty of the trees, the nature hut all boarded up now, brought to mind visions of mattresses and sleeping bags on the cement porch. I expected to see a beloved wood rat nesting somewhere in someones make shift clothing dressers made from milk crates. :) The meadow was full of sunflowers and how I delighted at watching them turn during the days to keep track of the sun. It was fun to play with my own children in front of the cabin throwing Frisbees, reading stories, and kicking balls. Doing nightly devotions and watching them drift off to sleep in sheer exhaustion from a day well spent. Just to rise at the crack of dawn eager with anticipation for the first melodic ringing of the bells and shouts of good morning from all different directions. The latrines still smelled as you walked past them, and the shower room still had standing water on the floor. The outside wash basins still sputtered out ice cold spring water when brushing your teeth, and the campfires were still on campfire rock overlooking the expanse of tree lined mountain tops. The sky was still a deep azure blue during the day, and the stars still shone so bright there was no need for a flashlight at night. The flying Kazenza's acrobat (family)team from Lithuania were still eccentric, wild, and crazy, and smelled of musty old damp clothing. The acoustic guitars played on the mountain,with the sound of aspen tree leaves rustling in the wind, and the river rushing softly as back up. All of these things brought tears to my eyes and warmth to my heart. I was home.

Some people say I am too happy, but this place oozes it from every nook and cranny of every piece of matter up here. 7000 ft up in the Sierras. It is impossible not to be infected. The fists pounding on the tables, chanting camp songs, in unison as the children stare on in sheer amazement and wonder. Their expressionless faces were truly priceless. Like every parent, and every adult, had not just lost their mind, but had morphed into some total stranger, and was possessed with vitality, youth, and transformed by boundless amounts of pure excitement and energy. They were visibly stunned.

Little had changed... Just the staff. Seeing how everyone grew up and has children, and families of their own was delightful. Who the staff have turned into. When growing up and life takes the reigns... Most of us were generations from the 80's and 90's... but there were those as far back as the 50's, 60's and 70's as well. We all grew older, and had families of our own. To watch and see who married whom, what camp families were created and thriving both under the banner of true camp spirit... pure in love... high in loyalty,... and raised in honesty, and strength. Marriages unlike those of the real world... guided by the foundations set by the ragger's creed. I delighted in watching them, the creativity, and personal strength of their children. One who was rock climbing at the age of 2 was doing the high ropes course at 6. I am not so sure I would do the high ropes course at 19 or at 35 let alone 6. I was impressed by their imaginations, and their sense of wonder that has obviously never been stifled. These are the best of parents, and the kids are the next wonderful generation of soon to be campers, kitchen crew, leaders in training and staff. What a blessed legacy we are so fortunate to get to leave them.

My favorite part of the weekend was watching the evolution of my own son...George in the course of just 3 days at camp. As many know, George has Asperger's, and is rightfully very serious and shows very little emotion. So let me tell you taking him camping I knew he was excited because he packed himself without much prompting. And not a single argument or peep from any of the boys on the 6 hr car ride there. It was peaceful. Upon arriving at the camp a new high ropes course had been erected since my years at the camp. It stood looming 20 to 30 feet in the air high above what once was the lower parking lot where the camp carnival was once held. He looked at it staring up in amazement that first day and said "I am going to do that." Still a mother, and no longer a counselor, I diverted his attention to other less challenging adventures. I mean, this was my bookworm child, the solitary, quiet, soft spoken little giant. The child that needed his little brother to coax and prod him to go to the top level of the playhouses found at McDonald's or Burger King. There is no way he would ever really do anything like that. And that was OK... We all play a role at camp... but this one was not for George. Problem was George didn't know it. Over the course of the next two days we did the low ropes course, we swam in the pool, we did so much arts and crafts that Michael's would be proud... and yet my 9 year old son still burned to do the high ropes course. Finally the last open program time came. While his brothers and I packed for the trip home he proudly got into pants and a long shirt, and declared he was ready and asked if he could go. I chuckled to myself... yeah sure go ahead... it was not like he would ever do it anyway. George, my George, would take one look at someone else doing it, get scared, watch a dozen people, and chicken out as he finally got the courage to put on the harness. My George was safe. "Sure you can go... we will be down in a minute when we get the car packed up." I told him. And with glee in his heart he ran off to program. We finished packing, and took a load of sleeping backs and frame packs full of clothes all the way down the mountain to the car... Colton, Dustin and myself. We wasted no time, and made our way back up the hill to the lower portion of camp where the high ropes course was set up. Colton saw him first... "Is that George?" he asked me. "Where" I said scanning the horizon searching the ground not even thinking to look any higher. "Up there on the pole" Colton both laughing and speaking, amazed at his little brother. Jovial gloating with all bets against him. Mentally delighting in the fact he just knew George was going to have to be rescued by the ropes course director and how he was not going to miss this for the world. I looked up and stopped. Oh my God, it was George. Climbing nearly at the top of the 20 foot tall pole. Strapped in a harness, breathing so hard, and scared to death that I could hear him panting from 100 feet away. I dared not call out to him. Fuzzy, the ropes course director spoke calmly to him. "Now put one knee on top of the pole." And Georgie did. "And now the other one" And George did again. the crowd grew silent, and you could hear a pin drop. "Now put one foot on top of the pole." Fuzzy told George. Always the serious child he commented in his normal monotone " You know this would be much easier if the pole would stop swaying" George projected down to Fuzzy. Fuzzy and the crowd laughed, and Fuzzy told him" You know, I think you are right." With that George lifted his foot and caught his balance and the whole crowd erupted with applause. This was the hardest part. And now the second foot. His eye on the bell. He stood a moment erect and fell in a wild leap for the bell. It rang out and I saw him gently caught by his belayed rope. And watched him gracefully lowered to the ground. I stood there stunned. He did it... George, my George did it... I can't believe it... he really, really, really did it. I must have looked dazed because an old, once deeply cherished, friend asked "Mom, are you OK??" A pause filled the air... was I OK? Was I OK? "Yeah, Oh yeah, I am OK..." I stammer out, as I watch them take the harness off of George. And then I see it, the most beautiful, most amazing sight in all the world... he smiled. Not a grin, but an ear to ear, beaming full of pride and accomplishment smile. George knew he wanted to do it, he set his mind on his course and without hesitation he took the bull by the horns and conquered the beast he called fear. The strength of a man is not the absence of fear, but it is the ability to go on in the face of it. I expected this lesson to be learned from watching my oldest, Marine Corps driven son... but instead I was pleasantly surprised to be taught it from my book worm, solitary, silent, quiet son George.

Camp Jack Hazard changes lives... it enriches lives... and it promotes strength... it infects your heart...it is a place of pure magic, endless beauty, and time stopping grace. I wish I could share this place with the world. I wish I could see every bed filled with vast amounts of children and not enough weeks in the summer to accommodate all of the future dreamers and doers of the world. So few places in this world can you see, feel, catch, and bottle inspiration. Camp Jack Hazard is one of those places. In humbleness comes greatness. My story is merely one of many, George had 3 days here... I had summers, and summers, and summers here. Someday I would love to write a journal of all my memories on this sacred ground. The story of my first real love, the golden unbreakable friendships, the journey of my respect for this planet, and how the flame that started here, flickered deep within me when my life took its darkest turns... How Camp Jack Hazard is more then a place... More then a time... More then a story. Camp Jack Hazard is a shared experience. A life altering trek to self awareness, strength and pride.

I love you guys, and I thank you all for your hard work, dedication, devotion, inspiration, limitless, and timeless love. Every generation, every person leaving their foot print on my life, and within my heart. I am blessed to have experienced it with you.

Thank You,

Desiree Marie Sylvia